Growing or Stagnant?

My Daddy does lawn care for quite a few people, including me, and during certain months the grass isn’t growing so he doesn't need a lawnmower. I'm glad the grass grows without my interference or work because though I can water plants and follow basic instructions I do not have a 'green thumb.' As I was looking over the yard this week, I noticed the green grass coming up from the ground. Where was that grass these last few months? Well, if you’re a gardener, you already know that the lawn stops growing in the winter if the cooler temperatures are around long enough. Also being exposed to less sunlight plays a role in grass growth during this time of the year because of the lower angle of the sun and shorter days. Some plants automatically die in the fall and winter but come back in the spring and summer. Some may thrive year-round. I’ve learned that dormancy and stagnation have their purpose in the outdoors with nature but are detrimental to the development of healthy relationships. I've learned that in life, or more specifically in relationships, stagnation can take place when we fail to properly tend to the needs of the other person. I mention this in the introduction of my book When I Was 40. “Find yourself growing instead of remaining stagnant as I once was.” As I share in the book, when I felt I was no longer growing emotionally, mentally, spiritually, I chose to remove myself from the marriage. When I moved out, I no longer needed medication for depression and anxiety. I am not recommending that you walk away from your stagnant relationship unless you are in harm’s way. In that case, your safety is the priority. I do suggest that you figure out where you are -- growing or stagnant -- and discuss your future goals. Pray together. I Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.” I also mentioned in the first chapter of my book that when we stopped praying together, our problems compounded. I have learned that prayer in a marriage is like water to plants. What would happen if we never received the rain when it falls? Drought. That could be the difference between your growth and stagnation. God fashioned the first marriage, Adam and Eve, and I believe we increase our chances of having success in our marriages and other relationships when He is allowed to be the Master Gardener. Choose to grow. Avoid stagnation. I'm praying for you!

Reflecting as we go...

Sometimes it can be painful to look back, but often doing so will help us gain insights. In my recent book, When I Was 40, one of the things I wrote was: “Be encouraged to reflect on your life with all the insights you gained about your strengths and challenges.” I have learned to be reflective to make my todays and tomorrows better. Earlier in the month, I asked you to join me in the #whoareyou challenge. (Check out the blog and join me and others who are taking the challenge). In the process we are looking into the mirror of the Bible, God’s Word, to sharpen our views and perspectives. Then we are embracing the necessary changes to be the best version of ourselves each day. Just think about your life up until this point. What strengths do you recognize and what are your challenges? In Celebrate Recovery, we have learned of the importance of doing a personal monthly inventory, then quarterly, yearly and most importantly a daily inventory. Although work like this may seem daunting, it does help us. If you journal, you may do this practice already. If before I go to bed each night, I ask myself some important questions, and if I am honest with myself, I will discover where I fell short and what I did well. From Celebrate Recovery, I also learned that God does not desire for us to waste any of our pain. I just thought of two songs ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ and ‘I’m stronger, I’m wiser, I’m better, much better.’ Those song writers have realized that we can learn from having gone through difficult times. We can use the strengths we gained from a previous trial to help us with something that we may face in the future. In social work practice, we call this the strengths perspective. In contrast to a problems-based approach, the strengths perspective considers our strengths, assets, and environments. We can be so critical of ourselves that it takes a friend to lovingly point out some qualities we have overlooked or minimized. That’s why it’s great to surround ourselves with people who can build us up and help us with our blind spots. Sometimes it feels better just to ignore them. Unfortunately, if we always ignore those weak areas, we cannot grow. The same way we need people in our lives to help us identify our positive qualities, we need to also welcome constructive criticism, especially when it’s coming from someone who cares. Hindsight is 2020, which is why reflecting as we go on our way is important. Last year helped us to slow down, stop and smell the roses. Most of us are more mindful and we’ve gained and learned from our past. We can keep creating a better picture for our future. Join me for FB Live on Saturday, February 27 from 8-8:30. We’re going to talk more about it.

#WhoAreYouChallenge

I’m only 5 ft tall and I have to work hard to maintain a healthy weight for my stature because I love to eat and I love sweets. In the back of my book, I have pictures from my 40th and 50th birthdays. When comparing the two, it’s obvious that I was heavier when I was 40. In Chapter 6, Visible Difference, I reflect on who I was then and who I am becoming. We can make changes in our physical appearances if we’re not pleased. It’s even more critical to make changes for our health and quality of life. Let’s do a #WhoAreYouChallenge to reflect on the part of your life that is not obvious to the rest of the world. What are you like and who are you when no one is watching? That’s the person I want you to study. You don’t have to share with anyone because the goal is for YOU to recognize who you are and where you are. In my bedroom, closet, and bathroom I have six stationary mirrors and a hand mirror to help me get a really good view of any blind spots. Most of the mirrors were already in my home and I use them daily. Think about the blind spots we encounter while driving. That’s why our vehicles have the rearview and two exterior mirrors. I learned in my high school driver’s education class that those mirrors are supposed to be used very often. I later learned how to adjust my car’s exterior mirrors to eliminate blind spots. So, what happens if we don’t use our mirrors in the house or in the car? We have blind spots. We can leave home and look less than our best. More seriously, we can get into a deadly crash. If natural mirrors are so important, then what about the spiritual? God’s Word is just like a mirror. The more we reflect on what the Bible says, the more we will see how to live better and see where we need to make some changes for a quality life, beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We will notice differences in how we look on the inside and experience life differently because of it. We are new creatures according to Second Corinthians chapter 5 and 17 in the Bible. The longer we walk with Jesus Christ, we will think and act more and more like Jesus. And since we’re reflecting, let’s take a moment to also see our history in the mirrors of our lives. Let’s think back on our roots and our heritage. It’s Black History Month. Let’s be proactive in reading and teaching our children about the accomplishments and the struggles of our forefathers and trailblazers. We can learn so much just by reflecting on the sacrifices, the sufferings, the perseverance and the victories of the past and present. I am so proud of my heritage and knowing my history helps me to be more grateful because I know God is our help in every generation. It helps me want to leave a legacy for someone else to one day read and reflect on.

Take the #whoareyouchallenge with me today. Father God, in Jesus' Name, help each of my friends reading this today to discover who they are and gain clarity for their lives. Amen.

#WhoAreYouChallenge