When You Feel Lonely...You're Not Alone

The holidays are such a festive time for many. People are celebrating with family and loved ones, but it can also be quite the opposite. It can be a time of sadness and loneliness. It’s ok to admit if you’re feeling lonely. In fact, while in conversation with one of my mentors recently, I realized that I needed and wanted to help others navigate these honest emotions. What happened next? I decided to dedicate some of my time during the holidays to host virtual Meet Ups about “Overcoming Loneliness During the Holidays.” Some people think that loneliness = aloneness. Well, what is loneliness? I've been a licensed clinical social worker for many years and I went to the Social Work Dictionary which defines it as “a feeling of discomfort, longing, depression, or anxiety that people sometimes experience when they are (or believe they are) lacking the company of others.” This does not mean the same as aloneness or isolation because people sometimes want to be alone and enjoy it. I first noticed my loneliness right after my husband Ben died. We had been married for just 1 year 10 months and 1 day. We were still newlyweds. After his death, our children were there for a while but eventually they had to get back home. I had trouble sleeping for a while and had to take Melatonin. For the first few months, either my son, my dad, my mom, or my brother spent the night at the house with me. It was nice having them there then, but now it’s been almost six years. I miss being held, but during those times I choose to hold on to the everlasting arms of Jesus. I have found God to be a Comforter and a Counselor. If I keep my mind on God, He promised to keep me in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). Psalm 146:9 says that God relieves the fatherless and the widow. I mentioned earlier that I had a family member to spend the night at the house for awhile. Well, because of timing, I might not be able to reach out to a person. It could be a moment where nobody else is accessible. I've learned that maybe it’s not another person I needed right then. Our God is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides. My area of loneliness may be different from yours, but our God can fill any empty space if you let Him. Invite Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals, and ask Him to come in. I’m a witness that He can help overcome any hurt, habit, or hang up. That’s what I teach my Celebrate Recovery brothers and sisters. To keep me from being overwhelmed with loneliness, I prioritize a daily personal devotion time. Also, I have found journaling to be very beneficial. Look at God! He has taken me through the loneliest times of my life and given me the opportunity to tell others about it! (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). If you want to know more about how I and others have been navigating loneliness, join one of the next Zoom sessions. Go to my website and sign up for these free Meet Up times, I promise you it will be very empowering. You are not alone. Come hangout with us in the virtual living room. Take care!

Halftime Anytime

One of the reasons I wrote my book, WHEN I WAS 40, is to help everyone reflect, think and move forward. In the Introduction I said that at halftime the team reviews the first half of the game, then makes changes in strategy and attitude to play better and win in the second half. No matter how old you are, during your “halftime” you can decide whether or not you are pleased with your progress in the game of life. Are you happy with where you are or do you need to make some changes to end well or as the Bible says, finish well? I don’t know much about sports, but I know that halftime is important because crucial decisions are made. Results can cost the team the game or take the players on to victory. The decisions you make at your halftime can produce favorable outcomes for the remainder of your life. Are you making progress? Who are you listening to? Who’s coaching, instructing and mentoring you? Today’s decisions lead to tomorrow’s destinations. Where are you headed? As long as you have breath, you have another chance and the game isn’t over yet. It’s not too late to make adjustments. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. If you can imagine it, God can help you to achieve it. Ephesians 3:20 says that our God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that you can ask or think. If you’re not sure where to begin, ask God for the wisdom you need and He will give it to you. You may not know what lies ahead, but God is the One to rely on if you want to be successful. You only see today, but God can see the future. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding. If you acknowledge Him in all of your ways, He will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Put Him first. Never stop learning.

Slow Down to Start Fresh

While sitting here looking at the title of my book WHEN I WAS 40, I started to wonder...what was it like for you at that age? Have you slowed down long enough to spend time reflecting? What happened that made you happy or sad, laugh or cry? What would you like to experience all over again? What took place that you wouldn’t want anyone else to go through? What have you said or done to positively impact others? Did you make any critical changes? Or did you just stay on the same road hoping for a different result? I know I have a habit of asking thought provoking questions. I’m inquisitive like that. I used to say nosey, but now I realize 'nosey' does not correctly define the desire to learn more. I like to make people think. You only live once. Live for God and try to make Him proud every step of the way. Psalm 111:10 NIV says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding. When you spend time meditating on the Word and in prayer, it’s easier to find out what God thinks about your situation. (Jeremiah 29:11). Finally, James 1:5 NIV says that if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God. If you weren’t that proud of yesterday, it’s ok. Start somewhere. Today’s decisions lead to tomorrow’s destinations. Where will you end up? As long as you’re alive, you still have time to make course corrections, take a detour, or recalculate as needed. God’s mercies are new every morning. With each new day comes the opportunity to keep learning and growing.